Throwaway Game: Clips 98 Timberwolves 101
Kevin Love at the buzzer…
“One game at a time”
“Rome wasn’t built in a day”
“You can’t win ‘em all”
“There’s always tomorrow”
“Better luck next time”
These are all pseudo-optimistic sayings that have been told to me following crushing defeats in my sports loving career. Unfortunately I subscribe to a different doctrine, anger and pessimism. I want to see blood. I want to see guts. I want to see Bobby Knight with Satan himself as assistant coach. Game’s like this always make me want to visit my coach’s gun idea. Here’s a quick breakdown:
1. In any major professional sport the head coach will be provided a revolver with ONE bullet.
2. The coach’s gun may be used only on the coach’s OWN players.
3. The gun does not have to be used.
4. The gun may only be used to harm, as it is a coaching tool NOT a weapon.
5. The coach may choose to use the gun on himself (This would’ve been handy in the Dunleavy years).
6. The gun cannot be used on referees or fans.
7. The gun may only be used as a teaching tool not a preventative measure like shooting Shaq so he has to be replaced to make game winning free throws.
Last night was a coach’s gun sort of game. The game seemed out of control from the opening tip with the Clippers hanging on to their lead with a bizarre mixture of 3 point accuracy and cold shooting from the t-wolves. The game was billed as a Blake vs. Love match up (because CP3 was still out and couldn’t go against Rubio), but both players were largely underwhelming throughout the game (save for the finish). Blake has seemed to have a confidence problem for the last week seeming hesitant to take the ball to the hoop and instead just settling for 19 foot jump shots (he’s made ONE that I’ve witnessed this week). Clip’s Coach VDN must have told the guys to stay in front of Rubio and collapse on Love because the much maligned Darko scored like 75 points last night and looked like the second coming of Tom Chambers on Bulls vs. Lakers for the Nintendo.
The game truly went sour when Mo Williams was ejected for his second silly technical foul. Both techs were Mo’s fault and he has earned a possible coach’s bullet for his actions, however, when he left the game completely fell apart. All the silly mistakes, turnovers, quick shots, and stupid 3s caught up to the Clippers. With 4 minutes to go in the game, the defense completely broke down and Chauncey Billups just started firing up random contested jump shots with no rhyme nor reason. I’m sure Billups looked around at Gomes, Foye, Solomon Jones, Reggie Evans, and DJ and said looks like I’m going to have to shoot EVERY time. At this point VDN needed to either try coaching or turn the coach’s bullet on himself and allow someone else (CP3?) to figure this mess out.
The game ended as most Clipper games of the last 30 years have…in a crushing, soul-shattering loss. Ricky Rubio, Mr. I-haven’t-made-a-shot-all-fucking-night, nailed a 3 point goal from the corner with 20 seconds to go. Naturally the Clippers went with the old fashioned, Billups takes the ball wanders over to a lackluster screen and then drives to the hoop and blows what appeared to be a very makeable shot (for high school kids). Nicely, 1.5 seconds were left on the clock. Minnesota calls time out to advance the ball. The clippers all contracted Cerebral Palsey and the rest was history.
Good news! I have acquired press passes for Sunday’s game against the Raptor’s, so I will have a full eyewitness report from the worst seats in section 331. Stay angry Los Angeles.
Cuban Exiled From Los Angeles! Clippers 91 Mavs 89
5 seconds to go, Mavs down by two, Jason Terry gets wide open following a pick and roll…SWISH. Same old Clippers. The collective heart of Clipper Nation was broken…again. There have been many Jason Terry’s over the years who find the Karmic shooting touch just in time to drill a stake through the heart of the Clippers faithful. Just as I sat in front of my television in the inevitable disbelief, Ralph Lawler began pleading with me to fasten my seatbelt. “Fasten my seatbelt?!?” This is the Clippers! They don’t win games like this; they only exist to make me feel bad and get mocked by my Laker fan friends! Then I thought for a quick moment, “This year is different, we have good players, good chemistry, a GOOD TEAM; we can DO this.”
Following the time out, Billups has the ball and attempts to inbound the ball to Mo Williams…he fumbles it out of bounds. Same old Clippers. I scream at the top of my lungs in my cramped bedroom. Everyone in the apartment building probably heard me, but I’m sure no one could’ve believed the painful scream came from that of a Clipper fan. This year wasn’t different. The only difference was that my pain was on national TV for the whole world to become witnesses to my destruction.
After a long discussion and replay review the referees declare…Clipper ball!
4 seconds to play. Chauncey inbounds to Blake Griffin. Blake dished the ball back to Chaucey and sets a brick wall of a pick on Jason Kidd. Chauncey is wide open, but this is the Clippers. He rises and lets the ball go. The net barely moves. My paralysis in front of my television is only broken by the jubilant celebration erupting in Staples Center. It went in? Yup, it went IN! This is a NEW Clippers team. This is a NEW year. The defending NBA champions came into Staples Center and LOST to the not-so-lowly Clippers. Yeah there were 3 and 7/8ths other quarters of basketball but that was all that mattered. Last night Chauncey made the shot that changed everything. Last night was the night that the Clippers washed the smell of shit from their jerseys. But all that can change if they lose to Minnesota on Friday.
