FULLY LOADED CLIPS

I’m perplexed. Same old pain of being a Clippers fan lingers in my heart, but thanks to Chris Paul the games end in exultation. The Clippers continued their narrative of playing like virtual dogshit in the 1st half, falling behind by 18pts, yet managed to drag themselves back into this one and eventually win it. This game could be the best defensive game of the year for the comeback kids, but at the same time, they may have gotten VERY lucky by playing a Portland team that was exhausted (3 games in 3 days) minus LaMarcus Aldridge (their best guy). A win is a win is a win. Wins against Miami and Chicago count the same as wins against Charlotte and Washington. Ultimately, the regular season is all about compiling wins, making the playoffs, and then going from there. Yet, each game gives me heart palpitations. Each game makes me over analyze the Clippers from every angle like a fat girl after a 1st date. Do you think the Clippers like me? When they were down by 18, were they playing hard to get? I hate when they play all these games with my emotions. I mean I know they’re out of my league, but I REALLY like them; I just really don’t want to get hurt again.

See what I mean? I’m pathetic.

So here’s a more cliched column structure, that’s probably easier to read…

WHAT WE KNOW: The Clippers are a good team. By adding Kenyon Martin and Reggie Evans, they now are one of the toughest teams in the league and are capable of playing good interior defense. In a 7 game series, the Clippers will not be any fun for opponents because of the physical nature of their interior 4 (Martin, Jordan, Evans, Griffin). 

WHAT WE DON’T KNOW: The Clippers may not have enough scoring on this team. If Randy Foye can get his confidence back and start shooting the ball like a proper 2 guard (which he’s capable of), the Clippers will be fine. If Foye flops, the Clippers will have to rely on CP3 and Mo Williams bailing them out of possession after possession usually resulting in negative outcomes. 

WHAT WE HAVE: The best (yeah, I said it) point guard in basketball, paired with the most athletic power forward in basketball. If teams don’t figure out how to defend the Clippers “lob city” antics (Portland did), CP3 will run them clean out of the building.

WHAT WE DON’T HAVE: Half court offensive plays. Coach VDN knows the most effective way to use the Blake/CP3 combo is to run the pick and roll, but that should only be page one of the playbook. NOT THE WHOLE BOOK. Caron Butler is too good of a player to not be involved in more situations, and Blake ruins the shot clock by not establishing a deep enough starting position in the post. 

WHAT ABOUT J.R. SMITH? He’s a Knick. Don’t worry about him. Hopefully he dies in a fire.

WHAT’S NEXT: San Antonio brings their first place brand of boring basketball to Staples Center at 12:30 Pacific time on Saturday. The Spurs are one of those great teams that you know are too old, too slow, and too quirky to actually win, but then they do. Tony Parker can eat a dick.

PLAYOFFS?: Man, we’re just tryin’ to win a game. The stupid All-Star break is in 2 weeks, so yeah, I’ll discuss playoffs and seeding in the 2nd half.

The Clips killed the Bobcats in Charlotte,  111-86.

The Clips killed themselves in Dallas, losing on a last miss by Caron Butler,  92-96.

The Clips killed me by keeping it close at home against Washington,  102-84.

I’ll write only about last night’s game, being that all Clippers fans have probably read and lamented the end of the road trip by now.

Last night was the worst I’ve seen this year’s Clippers play, save for the January loss at Utah. The Clippers literally slept through 3 quarters of this game and still managed to win the game by nearly 20 points. I truly believe that may have more to do with how bad Washington is, and less to do with the Clippers’ determination and resiliency. 

Atypically the team started slow, and never seemed to be able to get going in the 1st half, even with Caron Butler shooting well. Blake Griffin and DeAndre Jordan were abnormally clumsy as well. Blake and DeAndre always seem to bring good energy to the game, but occasionally that energy can be wasted through overzealous and foolish play. I was confident, with the Clippers still with a small lead, that they would take over the game in the third quarter…I was wrong. Now would be the easy time to beat up on coach Del Negro, so I will. A good coach needs to have his team prepared to play. Coach VDN clearly did not accomplish that goal. I’d like to give him a bit of a pass after a 6 game road trip in the midst of a condensed 66 game season. Players are bound to get worn down this year, and each team is going to have it’s share of clunkers in the first half. Now good coaches know how to make adjustments during halftime (great coaches can do it during the game). This game looked to be an extremely easy game with Portland and San Antonio looming later this week. Last night could be called a trap game in the most traditional of definitions, but it is a coach’s job to wake the team up and take care of business against lesser opponents.

Here’s why I’m scared. The Clippers came out in the 3rd, and played WORSE. They kicked the ball around, committed turnovers, fumbled the ball out of bounds on rebounds and took WAY to many inefficient shots (for the layman, an efficient shot is a shot close to the basket, a free throw, or a 3 point shot, long 2 pt shots need not apply). Blake’s confidence shooting the ball from the free throw line or from the field is clearly shaken, and you can seem him shrink when he knows he has to shoot it. The team plays its best ball when they’re in transition or when the ball is moving rapidly around the perimeter with very little dribbling. The Clippers get in trouble, like last night, when they run the high pick and roll over and over until a guard has to take an isolated jump shot with little time left on the shot clock. Lucky for the Clippers they were playing the Wizards and even luckier for the Clips, Randy Foye (?!?) got hot at the end of the 3rd. 

One of the greatest things about this team is their incredible chemistry. When a player who is struggling, in this case Randy Foye, knocks down a bucket or two the bench goes crazy. They really like each other and want each other to succeed. This isn’t a nice Disney film feel-good attribute because it actually makes momentum swings faster and more powerful. Reggie Evans (the greek god of rebounding) got a couple loose balls and a few offensive rebounds last night and he actually received a standing ovation from the Staples Center crowd. They chanted REGGIE! REGGIE! REGGIE! for several minutes as he walked back to his spot on the bench. I can’t give the fans credit for being the most intelligent or savvy in basketball that they know when to cheer for hustle plays or smart handling of an offensive set. The fans actually take their cues from the excitement of the Clipper players. DeAndre Jordan, for all his flaws, is one of the best high five, cheerleader, team guys I’ve ever seen. I needed a guy like him in the crowd whenever I performed stand up comedy.

Going forward, I have mixed feelings about this team. I think Kenyon Martin was right in his postgame interview with FoxSportsWest when he said that the Clippers were a very talented team that was struggling to learn to play together and in some cases how to play basketball in general. I get excited when I hear those comments from K-Mart, because he’s not satisfied with the way this team plays. The Clippers are in first place, walking off the court in victory, and their new forward is being critical of his team. Teammates that love each other paired with their dissatisfaction with their own play during times of success is an excellent recipe for potential. The biggest question that has remained since Christmas Day is, “Will the Clippers be able to come together in time to make a deep playoff run?”

Tonight the Clips get the Blazers in Portland, which they seemingly never win, but fortunately LaMarcus Aldridge will be out with an injured ankle. Stealing another road win would be very nice with San Antonio on Saturday and the Lakers looming just one game back in the standings.

Also, what’s the deal with J.R. Smith? He’s not in China anymore, so, what the hell? Are you a Clipper, Knick, Pacer, Laker, or what? Make a decision already!

Have you ever been to Philadelphia? It’s ugly there. Will Smith claims to be from West Philly on his little television show, and I can’t verify the truth in that, but I can verify that it’s ugly there as well. Ugly buildings, ugly people, ugly food, ugly weather…ugly. This leads me to last night’s game…the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen. After a crushing (and unnecessary) loss at Cleveland the Clippers need to get back on the right track, but facing the 1st place 76ers is not an easy way to do it. In typical Clippers fashion, they bent to the will of their opponent on the road and were forced to play the 76ers style of basketball (Ugly!). The first half was a mess with the Clippers barely even shooting a percentage from the floor but Mo Williams bailed them out with a late run, and they entered the locker room down only 2. The second half was their chance to get out and run, and hopefully clean up the mess that the 1st half started, yet they continued the theme of nasty ugly basketball. My grandfather once said, “if you mess with shit, you get it all over you”, this is precisely what happened to the Clippers. 

The last 2 minutes of the game were like an epiphany. Many sports writers (and also Bill Simmons) have been writing about how Derrick Rose is the best PG in the NBA. Some have even thrown Russell Westbrook’s name around. Irving in Cleveland, Rubio in Minnesota, EVEN Jeremy Lin in New York have been getting press, but Chris Paul proved last night that it’s a bit early to start sucking each other’s dicks. The Clippers fumbled the lead away with 18 seconds to go (Thanks again Gomes, sorry Mrs. Gomes), but Chris Paul took it upon himself to win the game. He drove to the hoop and tried to pass the ball to Blake Griffin, but he kicked the pass (as is Clipper custom) and Paul recovered. CP3 grabbed the basketball, took a few dribbles and then faded away with a lucky, yet pretty, swish to put the Clippers up 1 with 3 seconds to go. 

In a situation I can only call divine intervention, Philly did not manage to get up a final shot to steal the game from the Clippers and the road trip was finally clinched to not be a losing one. The Clips hopped on the plane and headed to lowly Charlotte. In the words of the great philosopher Socrates, “Let’s not fuck this up.”

My thoughts on the Lakers losing to Jeremy Lin’s Knicks:

Here’s what we know as Clips fans:

1. The Clips beat one of the best teams in the East

2. CP3 might be the best 4th quarter player in the NBA

3.  Chauncey Billups is hurt BAD.

-Ok, Here’s the part when I call for the Grim Reaper…

The one position where we could possibly stand to deal with an injury or 2 we suffered.  BUT: somehow I don’t feel good. I feel like this was my fault. I feel guilty. I feel BAD. We’re the Clippers, we’re jinxed, but now we have the team to do better. I still believe we have a chance to win the Championship, but my false pride was bullshit. The minute I posted a confident post after the last game, I knew I was fucked.

Caron Butler made some late shots, and CP3 proved he’s worth every dollar, but without, Chauncey we’re another team looking for an identity. Sure, I can make the argument that we make more sense with 4 PGs and we will be more balanced with K-mart; but I’m never a balanced guy.

The end of the world is at hand, abandon all hope ye who enter here, repent for the end is nigh, and scientology blah blah blah. I’d like to say that the best Champions in the NBA have to face adversity then then overcome it. But in a short season, the lucky team will come out on top. The old saying that in the land of the blind the one eyed man is king is true, but in this case we need to find out if the 4 PG’d team is king.

Tonight the Clippers play the 2nd game of the annual 6 game Grammy awards road trip. Orlando is a talented team, with many inconsistencies and a fractured locker room. Dwight Howard is far and away the best center in the league and he could explode for a 20 and 20 night at any time. Yet, I’m not thinking about the Magic. I’m not thinking about Dwight Howard. I’m not even thinking about the Washington Massacre the other night (Clips 107 Wiz 81). I’m thinking about the playoffs. My best friend, a Lakers fan, used to torture me year after year talking about potential playoff match ups, and potential seeding results, while I just shook my head and wondered if anyone talented was entering the draft. That changed yesterday when I picked up the Sunday Times and scoured the back sports page for the current standings. My complete attitude has changed and I hope that’s what’s happened to the current Clippers roster. The arrival of Kenyon Martin may be nothing more than addition by addition, and the blowout in Washington is an expected evisceration of a bad team. But, good teams sign solid free agents, my savvy trades, and win the game they are supposed to win. My Laker fan associates have always talked about needing to go 4-2 on the road or steal one to go 5-1 while Clippers brethren have prayed to go 3-3 or even just avoided a disastrous 0-6. Here’s a scary thought, I’m starting to trust the Clippers (keep in mind it’s still the regular season; I reserve the right to panic in May).

So, the Clippers meet up with their new teammate K-Mart in Orlando to see if they can get a little bit of a road winning streak going, and ultimately it doesn’t much matter. The Clippers’ road trip has little to do with who they are now, and much more to do with where they are going. Games at Cleveland and Charlotte should keep the Clippers out of trouble, while giving them a precious couple of games to develop chemistry with their newly acquired teammate. 

All Clippers fans know about losing. Losing IS a virus. Losing breeds losing. Losing spreads like while fires and snowballs its way through the schedule until the team is left punch drunk wondering what happened. This year we’re learning about winning. Winning might be a virus. Winning breeds confidence. Confidence breeds more winning. The most impressive part of the “changing of the culture” Clippers could be the change not from the lottery to the playoffs, but from “aww shucks, nice story Clips” to real contenders. Mike Smith said on “Clippers Live” on Saturday, that this team is going to terrify whomever they get matched up with on the playoffs. He’s absolutely right, but not because they Clippers could get hot and test a good team. The Clippers are hot and they are the good team. I promise you, my dear readers, if you asked LeBron if he wanted to match up against CP3, Chauncey, Blake, K-Mart, Mo Williams, and Caron Butler in the Finals, he’d say HELL NO. The only scarlet letter left to shed from this current roster is the shit smell that comes from the Clippers past. But good news friends, the history books don’t play the games, CP3 and Blake do.

Chris Paul is worth whatever the Hornets want him to be worth. If the Hornets called the Clips front office and demanded several more draft picks, I’d gladly give them whatever they want and I’d smile all the way. Tonight’s virtuoso performance of Chris Paul completed step 1 in the changing the culture of losing game plan. The Clippers have defeated the Lakers, Heat, Blazers, Thunder, and Nuggets this year; but tonight’s dismantling of the Jazz whom they’ve only beaten once in the last 20 years might be the official notice to the league that these are not your fathers’ (or grandfathers’) Clippers. It might be time to stop talking about who this team could be and start talking about who they are and where they’re going. To paraphrase several bad movies, “with great victories come great responsibility”. Now the Clippers have to take care of business, win at home, win against lesser opponents, and steal big games on the road. I’m done talking about if this team is or is not a playoff team. I want to look at the standings and discuss seeding and home court.

Any other year I’d be terrified of early success for the Clippers. I remember a few years ago when the opened the year with 4 straight wins before the bottom fell out. This year with the additions of CP3 and Chauncey Billups there seems to be room for cautious optimism. The biggest danger for the Clippers this year is going to be health. This team is not afraid of success. This team is ready for the big moment. This team wants to play a game 7. 

As for tonight’s game, Chris Paul was the ultimate hero. He controlled the game with his passing and closed it with his scoring.  His line of 34pts and 11 dimes is MVP worthy. Blake Griffin became a wrecking ball in the first quarter by completing five tremendous dunks, but the dunks actually had less to do with Blake’s ability to fly and more to do with CP3’s passing ability. Chris Paul is playing at such a high level that the game is actually easier for his teammates.

Obviously this was not an easy game and it was back and forth the whole way, and as it is my custom I have a few gripes. The Clips tend to come out with a very defined game plan, but once they have control of the game they devolve into heaving up 3pt shots. Coach VDN can’t keep CP3 and Blake on the floor for the whole game, but when they rest the team has to have SOME form of half court offense. The last few games have worked out with Mo Williams shooting the lights out, and Billups and Caron making clutch 3s. But some games (tonight) the Clippers aren’t going to shoot 50 percent from the outside and get 25pts from Mo. Everyone knows that Reggie Evans isn’t going to contribute anything on the offensive end, but what’s with Ryan Gomes, DJ, and Foye? Gomes and Foye were actually brought to this team last year to SCORE. These guys aren’t 20ppg guys, but they’re also NBA players so they shouldn’t shit their pants when the ball comes to them. Foye has been efficient in spots, but Gomes was actually kept out of the game the other night because he’s been such a liability lately (or as VDN calls it “match up problems”).

Negative thought: STOP GETTING KILLED IN TRANSITION!

Back to positivity. The last 6 minutes of this game are pure magic. Rarely in basketball do I get to say the words “smart play”. I actually said it twice. Once with about 20 seconds to go Chris Paul intentionally fouled Devin Harris, preventing the quick bucket or 3pt shot. Then a few seconds later, Blake took an inbounds pass and raced down the court for a lay up and a foul shot. The Clippers fans got nervous when time was running down, but the difference in this game (hopefully this year) was when the Jazz got incredibly lucky and knocked down two absolute blind heave threes, the Clippers made their free throws, stayed calm, and didn’t allow bad luck or bad karma to steal this win away. 

No rest for the weary, tomorrow is back at Staples, “The Revenge of the Nuggets”

As any Los Angeles Clipper fan knows, the Clippers hate you. Sure, they want to win games, but you don’t get the joy of bragging to other bar patrons during a 30 point blowout. No, Clipper fans have to sweat. Clipper fans have to loathe. Clipper fans have to enduring the gut-wrenching nausea of a 4th quarter squeaker. Last night was, unfortunately, no different.

The Clippers took one step forward by beating the Grizz at Staples last night, but the game’s flow could be two steps back. The half court offense is becoming embarrassing and the mental lapses are becoming more and more frequent. After the Clips came out to a very productive and energetic first quarter, they immediately threw on the brakes and threw out their brains eliminating their hard-earned double-digit lead.  Clearly, this season is going to be a work-in-progress and one can’t be pessimistic about making the playoffs, but if this team is to make any real noise in the Western Conference, they need to get their heads right and find a real coach.

I’m not totally convinced that coach VDN is a retarded person, but his lack of adjustments and creativity is making Clipper Nation very nervous. The leadership abilities of CP3, Chauncey, and Mo Williams are assets, but without an offense beyond a high pick and roll, the playoffs are going to be short lived. The various NBA analysts around the league are criticizing the Clip’s lack of bench depth, but in reality it’s the lack of coaching creativity that’s killing them. If Blake Griffin is not on the floor, the pick and roll becomes useless and the game devolves into an isolation fest with our bevy of guards. The Clippers have great PGs (and a lot of them), but without a low post scoring option, they’ll become one dimensional and easily defended. 

Sunday begins a nasty stretch of games including Denver, OKC, and Utah. The Clips will NOT fare very well in these match ups until they get their offensive and defensive sets in order. Knowing that the Clips won’t run the table in these games is not what concerns me. I’m worried that the coaching staff won’t learn anything. The team will obviously get better as the year goes on, but so will the rest of the league. If the Clippers don’t catch up, they’ll be left behind.

Live from the nose bleed section, I witnessed the dismantling of the Toronto Raptors. The game was billed as being the big return of CP3, but since he was ruled out a few minutes before tip off, it became the game before the return of CP3. This game was over shortly after morning shootaround. The Clips took their foot off the gas occasionally but never realistically let the Raptors back in the game. Toronto was short handed as well and it’s never a good thing if Barbosa and DeRozan are leading your team in scoring. Mo Williams continued his hot play and even managed to not get ejected on Sunday afternoon. My player of the game had to be DeAndre Jordan. He went for 16 and 16 on a day filled with dunks and foregone conclusions. 

The most important thing to take away from the victory was simply that, a victory. The Clippers have a huge game on wednesday “at” the Lakers. In years past, the Clips would’ve shit the bed and looked ahead on the schedule at the Lakers. Good teams need to beat the Raptors. I’m not sure how good the Clips are, but they certainly beat the Raptors. A win at the Lakers on wednesday would be huge, but each win counts the same in the standings. On sunday afternoon the Clippers proved just that, a win is a win and they won.

 5 seconds to go, Mavs down by two, Jason Terry gets wide open following a pick and roll…SWISH. Same old Clippers. The collective heart of Clipper Nation was broken…again. There have been many Jason Terry’s over the years who find the Karmic shooting touch just in time to drill a stake through the heart of the Clippers faithful. Just as I sat in front of my television in the inevitable disbelief, Ralph Lawler began pleading with me to fasten my seatbelt. “Fasten my seatbelt?!?” This is the Clippers! They don’t win games like this; they only exist to make me feel bad and get mocked by my Laker fan friends! Then I thought for a quick moment, “This year is different, we have good players, good chemistry, a GOOD TEAM; we can DO this.”

Following the time out, Billups has the ball and attempts to inbound the ball to Mo Williams…he fumbles it out of bounds. Same old Clippers. I scream at the top of my lungs in my cramped bedroom. Everyone in the apartment building probably heard me, but I’m sure no one could’ve believed the painful scream came from that of a Clipper fan. This year wasn’t different. The only difference was that my pain was on national TV for the whole world to become witnesses to my destruction. 

After a long discussion and replay review the referees declare…Clipper ball! 

4 seconds to play. Chauncey inbounds to Blake Griffin. Blake dished the ball back to Chaucey and sets a brick wall of a pick on Jason Kidd. Chauncey is wide open, but this is the Clippers. He rises and lets the ball go. The net barely moves. My paralysis in front of my television is only broken by the jubilant celebration erupting in Staples Center. It went in? Yup, it went IN! This is a NEW Clippers team. This is a NEW year. The defending NBA champions came into Staples Center and LOST to the not-so-lowly Clippers.  Yeah there were 3 and 7/8ths other quarters of  basketball but that was all that mattered. Last night Chauncey made the shot that changed everything. Last night was the night that the Clippers washed the smell of shit from their jerseys. But all that can change if they lose to Minnesota on Friday.

The Clips tipped off early on MLK to get a head start on their 3 wins in 3 days schedule this week. Blake Griffin and Company jumped all over Mr. Kardashian’s mates stretching their lead to 15 points by the end of the 1^st quarter. Kris Humphries actually put up a respectable line (14pts, 7rbs), but shouldn’t he be too embarrassed to show his face in L.A? C’mon Kris, everyone knows the number one rule of marriage is, “Don’t ever marry someone who has done porn/sex tape for profit”. Rules numbers two and three should be, “don’t marry reality television personalities” and “don’t marry Armenian rich chicks”; but I doubt a Minnesota monkey (not racist, he actually does look like a primate) like Kris even knows that he got played.

Speaking of getting played, the Nets shot only 42 percent on the afternoon and managed to make Randy Foye look like a viable NBA starter. With Chris Paul out, Randy Foye had to handle the point and did so brilliantly by putting up a 13 and 10 day right in the face of big money contract Deron Williams. Mr. Williams may be the first non-mormon on earth to actually miss Utah.

Going forward the Clips are going to have to play back to backs at Utah and then back home for Dallas on national television. Tonight’s Utah game should be an early test for a new team learning how to play with each other on the road. The addition of injuries to CP3 and Mo Williams the Clippers are going to eventually get some production from their bench; namely Ryan Gomes and Reggie Evans. The Clippers shit the bed in Portland earlier this month (it’s okay, everyone does it), but for the Clippers to become a confident and dangerous playoff team they’re going to need to learn to win road games especially with the adversity of injuries.

Final note: Blake Griffin makes me question my atheism. (23pts, 14 boards)