FULLY LOADED CLIPS

Don't Call it a Comeback: Clips 74 Blazers 71

Fri, 17 Feb 2012 10:03:08 -0800

I’m perplexed. Same old pain of being a Clippers fan lingers in my heart, but thanks to Chris Paul the games end in exultation. The Clippers continued their narrative of playing like virtual dogshit in the 1st half, falling behind by 18pts, yet managed to drag themselves back into this one and eventually win it. This game could be the best defensive game of the year for the comeback kids, but at the same time, they may have gotten VERY lucky by playing a Portland team that was exhausted (3 games in 3 days) minus LaMarcus Aldridge (their best guy). A win is a win is a win. Wins against Miami and Chicago count the same as wins against Charlotte and Washington. Ultimately, the regular season is all about compiling wins, making the playoffs, and then going from there. Yet, each game gives me heart palpitations. Each game makes me over analyze the Clippers from every angle like a fat girl after a 1st date. Do you think the Clippers like me? When they were down by 18, were they playing hard to get? I hate when they play all these games with my emotions. I mean I know they’re out of my league, but I REALLY like them; I just really don’t want to get hurt again.

See what I mean? I’m pathetic.

So here’s a more cliched column structure, that’s probably easier to read…

WHAT WE KNOW: The Clippers are a good team. By adding Kenyon Martin and Reggie Evans, they now are one of the toughest teams in the league and are capable of playing good interior defense. In a 7 game series, the Clippers will not be any fun for opponents because of the physical nature of their interior 4 (Martin, Jordan, Evans, Griffin).

WHAT WE DON’T KNOW: The Clippers may not have enough scoring on this team. If Randy Foye can get his confidence back and start shooting the ball like a proper 2 guard (which he’s capable of), the Clippers will be fine. If Foye flops, the Clippers will have to rely on CP3 and Mo Williams bailing them out of possession after possession usually resulting in negative outcomes.

WHAT WE HAVE: The best (yeah, I said it) point guard in basketball, paired with the most athletic power forward in basketball. If teams don’t figure out how to defend the Clippers “lob city” antics (Portland did), CP3 will run them clean out of the building.

WHAT WE DON’T HAVE: Half court offensive plays. Coach VDN knows the most effective way to use the Blake/CP3 combo is to run the pick and roll, but that should only be page one of the playbook. NOT THE WHOLE BOOK. Caron Butler is too good of a player to not be involved in more situations, and Blake ruins the shot clock by not establishing a deep enough starting position in the post.

WHAT ABOUT J.R. SMITH? He’s a Knick. Don’t worry about him. Hopefully he dies in a fire.

WHAT’S NEXT: San Antonio brings their first place brand of boring basketball to Staples Center at 12:30 Pacific time on Saturday. The Spurs are one of those great teams that you know are too old, too slow, and too quirky to actually win, but then they do. Tony Parker can eat a dick.

PLAYOFFS?: Man, we’re just tryin’ to win a game. The stupid All-Star break is in 2 weeks, so yeah, I’ll discuss playoffs and seeding in the 2nd half.

Scary Movie 3: Clips Win in Charlotte, Lose @ Dallas, then beat the Wiz at home.

Thu, 16 Feb 2012 12:22:21 -0800

The Clips killed the Bobcats in Charlotte, 111-86.

The Clips killed themselves in Dallas, losing on a last miss by Caron Butler, 92-96.

The Clips killed me by keeping it close at home against Washington, 102-84.

I’ll write only about last night’s game, being that all Clippers fans have probably read and lamented the end of the road trip by now.

Last night was the worst I’ve seen this year’s Clippers play, save for the January loss at Utah. The Clippers literally slept through 3 quarters of this game and still managed to win the game by nearly 20 points. I truly believe that may have more to do with how bad Washington is, and less to do with the Clippers’ determination and resiliency.

Atypically the team started slow, and never seemed to be able to get going in the 1st half, even with Caron Butler shooting well. Blake Griffin and DeAndre Jordan were abnormally clumsy as well. Blake and DeAndre always seem to bring good energy to the game, but occasionally that energy can be wasted through overzealous and foolish play. I was confident, with the Clippers still with a small lead, that they would take over the game in the third quarter…I was wrong. Now would be the easy time to beat up on coach Del Negro, so I will. A good coach needs to have his team prepared to play. Coach VDN clearly did not accomplish that goal. I’d like to give him a bit of a pass after a 6 game road trip in the midst of a condensed 66 game season. Players are bound to get worn down this year, and each team is going to have it’s share of clunkers in the first half. Now good coaches know how to make adjustments during halftime (great coaches can do it during the game). This game looked to be an extremely easy game with Portland and San Antonio looming later this week. Last night could be called a trap game in the most traditional of definitions, but it is a coach’s job to wake the team up and take care of business against lesser opponents.

Here’s why I’m scared. The Clippers came out in the 3rd, and played WORSE. They kicked the ball around, committed turnovers, fumbled the ball out of bounds on rebounds and took WAY to many inefficient shots (for the layman, an efficient shot is a shot close to the basket, a free throw, or a 3 point shot, long 2 pt shots need not apply). Blake’s confidence shooting the ball from the free throw line or from the field is clearly shaken, and you can seem him shrink when he knows he has to shoot it. The team plays its best ball when they’re in transition or when the ball is moving rapidly around the perimeter with very little dribbling. The Clippers get in trouble, like last night, when they run the high pick and roll over and over until a guard has to take an isolated jump shot with little time left on the shot clock. Lucky for the Clippers they were playing the Wizards and even luckier for the Clips, Randy Foye (?!?) got hot at the end of the 3rd.

One of the greatest things about this team is their incredible chemistry. When a player who is struggling, in this case Randy Foye, knocks down a bucket or two the bench goes crazy. They really like each other and want each other to succeed. This isn’t a nice Disney film feel-good attribute because it actually makes momentum swings faster and more powerful. Reggie Evans (the greek god of rebounding) got a couple loose balls and a few offensive rebounds last night and he actually received a standing ovation from the Staples Center crowd. They chanted REGGIE! REGGIE! REGGIE! for several minutes as he walked back to his spot on the bench. I can’t give the fans credit for being the most intelligent or savvy in basketball that they know when to cheer for hustle plays or smart handling of an offensive set. The fans actually take their cues from the excitement of the Clipper players. DeAndre Jordan, for all his flaws, is one of the best high five, cheerleader, team guys I’ve ever seen. I needed a guy like him in the crowd whenever I performed stand up comedy.

Going forward, I have mixed feelings about this team. I think Kenyon Martin was right in his postgame interview with FoxSportsWest when he said that the Clippers were a very talented team that was struggling to learn to play together and in some cases how to play basketball in general. I get excited when I hear those comments from K-Mart, because he’s not satisfied with the way this team plays. The Clippers are in first place, walking off the court in victory, and their new forward is being critical of his team. Teammates that love each other paired with their dissatisfaction with their own play during times of success is an excellent recipe for potential. The biggest question that has remained since Christmas Day is, “Will the Clippers be able to come together in time to make a deep playoff run?”

Tonight the Clips get the Blazers in Portland, which they seemingly never win, but fortunately LaMarcus Aldridge will be out with an injured ankle. Stealing another road win would be very nice with San Antonio on Saturday and the Lakers looming just one game back in the standings.

Also, what’s the deal with J.R. Smith? He’s not in China anymore, so, what the hell? Are you a Clipper, Knick, Pacer, Laker, or what? Make a decision already!

Intestinal Distress: Clippers 78 Philly 77

Sat, 11 Feb 2012 11:22:35 -0800

Have you ever been to Philadelphia? It’s ugly there. Will Smith claims to be from West Philly on his little television show, and I can’t verify the truth in that, but I can verify that it’s ugly there as well. Ugly buildings, ugly people, ugly food, ugly weather…ugly. This leads me to last night’s game…the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen. After a crushing (and unnecessary) loss at Cleveland the Clippers need to get back on the right track, but facing the 1st place 76ers is not an easy way to do it. In typical Clippers fashion, they bent to the will of their opponent on the road and were forced to play the 76ers style of basketball (Ugly!). The first half was a mess with the Clippers barely even shooting a percentage from the floor but Mo Williams bailed them out with a late run, and they entered the locker room down only 2. The second half was their chance to get out and run, and hopefully clean up the mess that the 1st half started, yet they continued the theme of nasty ugly basketball. My grandfather once said, “if you mess with shit, you get it all over you”, this is precisely what happened to the Clippers.

The last 2 minutes of the game were like an epiphany. Many sports writers (and also Bill Simmons) have been writing about how Derrick Rose is the best PG in the NBA. Some have even thrown Russell Westbrook’s name around. Irving in Cleveland, Rubio in Minnesota, EVEN Jeremy Lin in New York have been getting press, but Chris Paul proved last night that it’s a bit early to start sucking each other’s dicks. The Clippers fumbled the lead away with 18 seconds to go (Thanks again Gomes, sorry Mrs. Gomes), but Chris Paul took it upon himself to win the game. He drove to the hoop and tried to pass the ball to Blake Griffin, but he kicked the pass (as is Clipper custom) and Paul recovered. CP3 grabbed the basketball, took a few dribbles and then faded away with a lucky, yet pretty, swish to put the Clippers up 1 with 3 seconds to go.

In a situation I can only call divine intervention, Philly did not manage to get up a final shot to steal the game from the Clippers and the road trip was finally clinched to not be a losing one. The Clips hopped on the plane and headed to lowly Charlotte. In the words of the great philosopher Socrates, “Let’s not fuck this up.”

My thoughts on the Lakers losing to Jeremy Lin’s Knicks:

Leggo My Ego: Clippers 92 Cavs 99

Thu, 09 Feb 2012 12:18:35 -0800

Chauncey Billups is hurt, he isn’t dead! The pregame intro music for the Clippers’ starting line up might as well have been a funeral march or Mozart’s requiem. The Clippers dragged their broken bodies up and down the court at the Q last night and just waited for lowly Cleveland to put them out of their misery. After the game coach Del Negro made no excuses and said that his team wasn’t ready to play. That’s your job man! You are to make sure your team is ready to play! If they’re playing slow and sluggish, you wake them up or play guys that want to play. Last week, coach Pop in San Antonio left his entire starting line up on the bench for the 2nd half (and ensuing overtime) on the floor for a big game against Dallas. Stars like Tony Parker and Tim Duncan became energized cheerleaders and it brought the team closer together. A road game in Cleveland would be the perfect place to try to light the fire under the starters by playing the end of the bench. Also, you can avoid burning out all your starters in the middle of this 6 game roadie.

The game itself was ugly to say the least. The Cavs played better than they typically do, but by no means were they shooting the lights out. The Clippers were killed on loose balls and hustle plays. Anderson Varejao killed the Clippers down low for 15 pts and 11 boards. The Clippers now boast one of the toughest low post rosters in the NBA featuring Reggie Evans, DeAndre Jordan, Blake Griffin, and Kenyon Martin, yet a fuzzy haired Brazilian rolled into the paint and owned L.A’s big men last night.

Kenyon Martin was a small bright spot. His shot was flat, and he was caught out of position routinely on offense, but his enthusiasm made up for all that. He actually WANTED to play, which is more than I can say about the rest of the team.

Randy Foye has been given the unenviable position of filling Chauncey’s shoes. Foye didn’t play well and didn’t play poorly. Randy Foye played like Randy Foye. He’s a streaky shooter that can be very effective coming off the bench but he really doesn’t add much to the floor when he’s inked in as a starter. Foye is defensively average and he doesn’t offer much in the one on one game.

One of the storylines that’s going to get more and more play as the season goes on is, the Clippers lack of perimeter defense. The Clippers give up a TON of open 3pt shots and thus far have survived them. The Clippers were making a lot of 3’s themselves which was neutralizing their opponents, but without Chauncey they could be in trouble. Long range shot’s create long rebounds. Long rebounds result in one of two things: a transition play for the defense resulting in fast break points or a fresh 24 secs for the offense. The Clippers have been concentrating on crashing the boards and keeping their opponents from making the tip-ins and put back dunks, but they’re not boxing out deep enough to prevent the long rebound disasters. In the Clippers’ wins the box score shows all those long transition rebounds through CP3’s large rebound total. Chris Paul’s only 6ft tall, he shouldn’t be getting any rebounds.

I hate to believe this game is going to come back to haunt the Clips, but in a shortened season EVERY game counts. And given the clustered standings of the Western Conference every game will count just a little bit more. Before Cleveland, the Clippers were prepared to head undefeated on their road trip to face 1st place Philly, followed by an easy one in Charlotte and finishing with Dallas. The really looked like a team that was going to go 5-1 on the road with a possibility of stealing all 6. Now after blowing the Cleveland game, they’re 2-1, heading into a VERY difficult match up against the 76ers, followed by a Cleveland-lite game in Charlotte, and then another ball crusher in Dallas. One stupid mental lapse in Cleveland could change this road trip from 5-1 to 3-3.

In baseball there is a saying that momentum is the name of tomorrow’s starting pitcher. But in this chaotic 66 game season, with back to back games and wild road trips, teams have to find some kind of cohesive identity. Teams MUST win games against the lesser teams. Teams MUST protect their home court. Teams must come together and create confidence heading into the playoffs. Hopefully last night was just a blip on the radar, not the beginning of the end.

Practical Magic: Clips 107 Magic 102

Tue, 07 Feb 2012 00:02:00 -0800

Here’s what we know as Clips fans:

1. The Clips beat one of the best teams in the East

2. CP3 might be the best 4th quarter player in the NBA

3. Chauncey Billups is hurt BAD.

-Ok, Here’s the part when I call for the Grim Reaper…

The one position where we could possibly stand to deal with an injury or 2 we suffered. BUT: somehow I don’t feel good. I feel like this was my fault. I feel guilty. I feel BAD. We’re the Clippers, we’re jinxed, but now we have the team to do better. I still believe we have a chance to win the Championship, but my false pride was bullshit. The minute I posted a confident post after the last game, I knew I was fucked.

Caron Butler made some late shots, and CP3 proved he’s worth every dollar, but without, Chauncey we’re another team looking for an identity. Sure, I can make the argument that we make more sense with 4 PGs and we will be more balanced with K-mart; but I’m never a balanced guy.

The end of the world is at hand, abandon all hope ye who enter here, repent for the end is nigh, and scientology blah blah blah. I’d like to say that the best Champions in the NBA have to face adversity then then overcome it. But in a short season, the lucky team will come out on top. The old saying that in the land of the blind the one eyed man is king is true, but in this case we need to find out if the 4 PG’d team is king.

Dr. Strangelove (or how I stopped worrying and learned to love the Clippers)

Mon, 06 Feb 2012 12:05:29 -0800

Tonight the Clippers play the 2nd game of the annual 6 game Grammy awards road trip. Orlando is a talented team, with many inconsistencies and a fractured locker room. Dwight Howard is far and away the best center in the league and he could explode for a 20 and 20 night at any time. Yet, I’m not thinking about the Magic. I’m not thinking about Dwight Howard. I’m not even thinking about the Washington Massacre the other night (Clips 107 Wiz 81). I’m thinking about the playoffs. My best friend, a Lakers fan, used to torture me year after year talking about potential playoff match ups, and potential seeding results, while I just shook my head and wondered if anyone talented was entering the draft. That changed yesterday when I picked up the Sunday Times and scoured the back sports page for the current standings. My complete attitude has changed and I hope that’s what’s happened to the current Clippers roster. The arrival of Kenyon Martin may be nothing more than addition by addition, and the blowout in Washington is an expected evisceration of a bad team. But, good teams sign solid free agents, my savvy trades, and win the game they are supposed to win. My Laker fan associates have always talked about needing to go 4-2 on the road or steal one to go 5-1 while Clippers brethren have prayed to go 3-3 or even just avoided a disastrous 0-6. Here’s a scary thought, I’m starting to trust the Clippers (keep in mind it’s still the regular season; I reserve the right to panic in May).

So, the Clippers meet up with their new teammate K-Mart in Orlando to see if they can get a little bit of a road winning streak going, and ultimately it doesn’t much matter. The Clippers’ road trip has little to do with who they are now, and much more to do with where they are going. Games at Cleveland and Charlotte should keep the Clippers out of trouble, while giving them a precious couple of games to develop chemistry with their newly acquired teammate.

All Clippers fans know about losing. Losing IS a virus. Losing breeds losing. Losing spreads like while fires and snowballs its way through the schedule until the team is left punch drunk wondering what happened. This year we’re learning about winning. Winning might be a virus. Winning breeds confidence. Confidence breeds more winning. The most impressive part of the “changing of the culture” Clippers could be the change not from the lottery to the playoffs, but from “aww shucks, nice story Clips” to real contenders. Mike Smith said on “Clippers Live” on Saturday, that this team is going to terrify whomever they get matched up with on the playoffs. He’s absolutely right, but not because they Clippers could get hot and test a good team. The Clippers are hot and they are the good team. I promise you, my dear readers, if you asked LeBron if he wanted to match up against CP3, Chauncey, Blake, K-Mart, Mo Williams, and Caron Butler in the Finals, he’d say HELL NO. The only scarlet letter left to shed from this current roster is the shit smell that comes from the Clippers past. But good news friends, the history books don’t play the games, CP3 and Blake do.

Long Addition: Clips lose to DEN, but gain Martin

Fri, 03 Feb 2012 11:40:35 -0800

Nuggets 112 Clippers 91

Last night, nothing went the Clippers’ way. The shooting was bad. The defense was worse. They couldn’t rebound. They couldn’t create turnovers. They couldn’t do diddly poo. But, I’m not sad. Yes, the game was terribly disappointing, but keep in mind, the Clippers just went 3-1 on a stretch that included Denver twice, the Thunder, and a trip to Utah. If you told me a week ago the Clips would come away 3-1 in that mess, I’d take it 6 days a week and twice on Sunday.

Cut to me waking up this morning only to find out: They signed Kenyon Martin! Full disclosure, I HATE Kenyon Martin. I’ve wanted to plot this guy’s death on several occasions. The mere sight of his “lips” neck tattoo makes me want to personally sterilize him, but now he’s one of my guys. He’s not a thug anymore. He’s MY thug. Many of the analysts out there are praising the Clips for making this move and providing much needed depth in the front court, but I’m not really sure how he fits in. All I know is that the Clippers just got deeper and deeper is better. He’s a 6’9 power forward that is all defense, rebounding, and thuggary. The Clippers will not officially get him for a week or so due to China’s basketball rules being slanted (see what I did there?). Hopefully, Martin will allow the Clippers more flexibility when going to a line up without Blake Griffin. Martin is not a scoring machine but next to Reggie Evans, he’s Kobe freaking Bryant. Quietly or not so quietly the Clippers are becoming the team Miami was trying to create. A group of high talent guys that actually like one another. Chauncey Billups is rumored to have personally courted Kenyon to become a Clipper. That means between Blake and DeAndre, Billups and Martin, Reggie Evans and everybody; the Clippers are becoming the superfriends. I can only look at this as a good thing. Teams that tolerate one another do NOT win championships, just ask the New York Yankees of the 2000s. Also, this move is starting to look like the beginning of a “win now” mentality in the front office. I think Neil Olshey looked at Mr. Sterling and said, “In a 66 game season, we might actually be able to steal a title.” Obviously, Kenyon Martin does not make the Clippers the rightful owners of the 2012 title, or even favorites, but the line up has become a collection of players that many people would say are championship threats if it weren’t for the Clippers’ bad karma.

I refuse to believe. I refuse to get too happy. I refuse to make predictions. But I will write one thing. I think this Kenyon move works. I think the team gels. I think the Clippers get better, tougher, perhaps slightly more technical foulie. I’m not sure they’ve got the rest of the league beat, but they certainly are scaring the shit out of them.

It's a statement NOT a question: Clippers 107 Jazz 106

Wed, 01 Feb 2012 23:33:47 -0800

Chris Paul is worth whatever the Hornets want him to be worth. If the Hornets called the Clips front office and demanded several more draft picks, I’d gladly give them whatever they want and I’d smile all the way. Tonight’s virtuoso performance of Chris Paul completed step 1 in the changing the culture of losing game plan. The Clippers have defeated the Lakers, Heat, Blazers, Thunder, and Nuggets this year; but tonight’s dismantling of the Jazz whom they’ve only beaten once in the last 20 years might be the official notice to the league that these are not your fathers’ (or grandfathers’) Clippers. It might be time to stop talking about who this team could be and start talking about who they are and where they’re going. To paraphrase several bad movies, “with great victories come great responsibility”. Now the Clippers have to take care of business, win at home, win against lesser opponents, and steal big games on the road. I’m done talking about if this team is or is not a playoff team. I want to look at the standings and discuss seeding and home court.

Any other year I’d be terrified of early success for the Clippers. I remember a few years ago when the opened the year with 4 straight wins before the bottom fell out. This year with the additions of CP3 and Chauncey Billups there seems to be room for cautious optimism. The biggest danger for the Clippers this year is going to be health. This team is not afraid of success. This team is ready for the big moment. This team wants to play a game 7.

As for tonight’s game, Chris Paul was the ultimate hero. He controlled the game with his passing and closed it with his scoring. His line of 34pts and 11 dimes is MVP worthy. Blake Griffin became a wrecking ball in the first quarter by completing five tremendous dunks, but the dunks actually had less to do with Blake’s ability to fly and more to do with CP3’s passing ability. Chris Paul is playing at such a high level that the game is actually easier for his teammates.

Obviously this was not an easy game and it was back and forth the whole way, and as it is my custom I have a few gripes. The Clips tend to come out with a very defined game plan, but once they have control of the game they devolve into heaving up 3pt shots. Coach VDN can’t keep CP3 and Blake on the floor for the whole game, but when they rest the team has to have SOME form of half court offense. The last few games have worked out with Mo Williams shooting the lights out, and Billups and Caron making clutch 3s. But some games (tonight) the Clippers aren’t going to shoot 50 percent from the outside and get 25pts from Mo. Everyone knows that Reggie Evans isn’t going to contribute anything on the offensive end, but what’s with Ryan Gomes, DJ, and Foye? Gomes and Foye were actually brought to this team last year to SCORE. These guys aren’t 20ppg guys, but they’re also NBA players so they shouldn’t shit their pants when the ball comes to them. Foye has been efficient in spots, but Gomes was actually kept out of the game the other night because he’s been such a liability lately (or as VDN calls it “match up problems”).

Negative thought: STOP GETTING KILLED IN TRANSITION!

Back to positivity. The last 6 minutes of this game are pure magic. Rarely in basketball do I get to say the words “smart play”. I actually said it twice. Once with about 20 seconds to go Chris Paul intentionally fouled Devin Harris, preventing the quick bucket or 3pt shot. Then a few seconds later, Blake took an inbounds pass and raced down the court for a lay up and a foul shot. The Clippers fans got nervous when time was running down, but the difference in this game (hopefully this year) was when the Jazz got incredibly lucky and knocked down two absolute blind heave threes, the Clippers made their free throws, stayed calm, and didn’t allow bad luck or bad karma to steal this win away.

No rest for the weary, tomorrow is back at Staples, “The Revenge of the Nuggets”

Two for the Show: Clips beat OKC and Denver

Tue, 31 Jan 2012 11:57:07 -0800

SO THERE WAS THAT.

A word on “The Dunk”

A lot of times people get too excited about the Slam Dunk in basketball as it only counts for two points. Boring, efficient-shooting teams lulled the high flying Clippers into submission last year in route to another playoff-less season. Last night didn’t fall into that category. Sometimes dunks count for more than two points. Sometimes dunks can change the ebb and flow of a game. Sometimes dunks can change the confidence of a player. Sometimes dunks can get a player noticed. And sometimes a Blake Griffin Dunk can disturb the rotation of the earth on it’s axis. Last year when Blake set his testicles on Timofey Mosgov’s head and threw the ball through the cylinder, his career was forever changed. That dunk paved the way for the rookie of the year award, the all-star birth, and eventually a deal to jump over a Korean car during All-Star Weekend. Last night, something happened again. Around 4 minutes into the 3rd quarter CP3 sent a bounce pass to Blake as he had a full head of steam. Seconds later, Blake Griffin and Kendrick Perkins became forever linked. Perkins was widely known and respected around the league as a “tough guy” and many people have blamed the Celtics’ woes on his absence. So when Perkins pushed a airborne Blake Griffin away from the hoop, the natural reaction would be too assume two shots at the foul line and we’ll move on with life. Blake Griffin dunks don’t work that way. To borrow a horrible line from Yakov Smirnoff, “In Soviet Russia, you don’t dunk, Blake dunks you”. Again this was only one play, but the importance of this play has not fully been realized. Is this the play that gels the Clippers team to go on a serious playoff run? The Clippers have been searching for that moment that sheds the Charlie Bucket moniker of “we’re just lucky to be here.” Does Blake finally transform into the hybrid of Karl Malone and Charles Barkley we’ve been hoping for? What happens to Kendrick Perkins? Do Durant and Westbrook not trust their team to the point that they try to score 80 every night and ruin the chemistry? Who knows? We’ll find out as time goes on. Now to the games…

Lots of Billups Left in Clippers Gun: Clips 109 ShitNuggets 105

Sometimes it’s hard for television networks to find something to hype about a late game on a Sunday night in the middle of January, so they come up with some mundane plot line about a “player’s homecoming”. I guess Chauncey Billups went to Colorado, so it was his turn to hear the fake hype. I’m not sure if the television audience bought it, or even the play by play guys, but the only guy it surely mattered to was Chauncey. Billups scored 32 points and electrified the game with his reckless, yet effective shooting. At times Chauncey can go into “fuck it” mode and just start launching shots from anywhere on the court at anytime on the shot clock; Sunday night was one of those times. Lucky for the Clippers, Billups was on fire. Billups acquired some of that can’t miss mojo that Mo Williams has been walking around with for the last week and proceeded to shoot the will out of the Denver team. This was a huge win for Los Angeles, as the have struggled on the road mightily thus far, and Denver is definitely a team they will be hearing from again. It was another nervous game that Clippers fans never felt good about until the final horn sounded, but a win is a win and Chauncey ain’t done yet.

“Welcome all my friends to the show that never ends, I’m so glad you could attend, step in side, step in side.” -Blake Griffin

Clippers 112 Thunder 100

I truly don’t believe it would be hyperbole for me to write that this was the single best game I’ve seen the Clippers play this year. The Clippers came out firing on all cylinders, shooting hot and playing good defense, and then settled down to weather the storm. Clippers teams in the past, particularly last year, have made the big highlight reel plays and made runs to get giant 1st half leads, but they’ve never had the intestinal fortitude to hold it together. My mother (a Clips fan) always jokes that the Clippers need to have a 25 point lead going into the 4th quarter to win, because she’s so used to them pissing it away.

This game was a GREAT game for the Clippers. It will forever be remembered as a Blake Griffin game, but it was a more important game for the rest of the team. This was the game that Caron Butler started to figure out his role and find his shooting touch. This was a game that could vault Mo Williams into winning the 6th man of the year award (he’s got my vote). This was the game that further proved Chauncey could become the perfect 2 guard for the Clippers as his career winds down. And this, THIS, was the beginning of complete CP3 dominance. I’ve made note of the Clippers record this season and been completely pleased and overwhelmed by not staring up from the bottom of the standings, yet I’ve been troubled by the lack of the “wow” factor from CP3 this year. Don’t get me wrong, he’s been brilliant, and he’s played better than any Clipper PG I’ve EVER seen, but where’s the guy some have said is one of the best PGs in HISTORY. Last night, I got to find out. 26 points, 14 assists, and 35 “Kobe” or “Jordan” plays where he wills his team through a possession. In the NBA, plays break down, shots don’t go in, momentum swings, but certain players have the salmon-like ability to swim upstream and drag their whole team with them. Last night, Durant and Westbrook were “on”, but every time the Thunder mounted a charge CP3 took it upon himself to make sure this was NOT going to become a close game. Chris Paul has already changed the culture of losing on this team to such a degree that Ralph Lawler (voice of the Clippers) claimed the game was over with 8 minutes left in the 4th. Mike Smith pleaded with Lawler that the Thunder was the best team in the Western Conference and it was a bit too early to be confident. Lawler persisted: The game was over.

Clippers beat Grizz and their uniforms 98-91

Fri, 27 Jan 2012 18:31:41 -0800

As any Los Angeles Clipper fan knows, the Clippers hate you. Sure, they want to win games, but you don’t get the joy of bragging to other bar patrons during a 30 point blowout. No, Clipper fans have to sweat. Clipper fans have to loathe. Clipper fans have to enduring the gut-wrenching nausea of a 4th quarter squeaker. Last night was, unfortunately, no different.

The Clippers took one step forward by beating the Grizz at Staples last night, but the game’s flow could be two steps back. The half court offense is becoming embarrassing and the mental lapses are becoming more and more frequent. After the Clips came out to a very productive and energetic first quarter, they immediately threw on the brakes and threw out their brains eliminating their hard-earned double-digit lead. Clearly, this season is going to be a work-in-progress and one can’t be pessimistic about making the playoffs, but if this team is to make any real noise in the Western Conference, they need to get their heads right and find a real coach.

I’m not totally convinced that coach VDN is a retarded person, but his lack of adjustments and creativity is making Clipper Nation very nervous. The leadership abilities of CP3, Chauncey, and Mo Williams are assets, but without an offense beyond a high pick and roll, the playoffs are going to be short lived. The various NBA analysts around the league are criticizing the Clip’s lack of bench depth, but in reality it’s the lack of coaching creativity that’s killing them. If Blake Griffin is not on the floor, the pick and roll becomes useless and the game devolves into an isolation fest with our bevy of guards. The Clippers have great PGs (and a lot of them), but without a low post scoring option, they’ll become one dimensional and easily defended.

Sunday begins a nasty stretch of games including Denver, OKC, and Utah. The Clips will NOT fare very well in these match ups until they get their offensive and defensive sets in order. Knowing that the Clips won’t run the table in these games is not what concerns me. I’m worried that the coaching staff won’t learn anything. The team will obviously get better as the year goes on, but so will the rest of the league. If the Clippers don’t catch up, they’ll be left behind.

Clippers go down in flames 96-91

Thu, 26 Jan 2012 12:29:11 -0800

There are games of what could’ve been, what should’ve been and what is. This game is what it is. The Clippers are an inexperienced team (save for Chauncey) and 4 quarters of boring (yet intense) playoff basketball is foreign to them. The Lakers were fully prepared to give the Clips their best shot. Kobe has been pissed off all week. Pau was complaining about not scoring. Mike Brown was starting to hear rumbles about his hiring being a mistake. The Lakeshow couldn’t survive a “home” loss to the Clippers on Wednesday night. All of that being said, the Lakers still got lucky. The Lakers shot the ball at a percentage in the 4th quarter that will be hard for them to repeat. Pau got hot. Kobe got real hot. Metta World Peace made his trademark “NOOOOO, YES!” 3pt shot in front of his nervous home crowd. Derek Fisher came back from the dead for 10 minutes or so. For one quarter, everything broke right for the Lakers.

Where do we go from here?

The Clippers have a very difficult February road schedule and they’re going to need to show that they can weather the storm. In truth, the Clippers are in a very good position to make the playoffs and will make many teams nervous in the process. The league seems to be evolving and from what I saw last night teams like the Lakers are getting left behind. The Lakers are tall slow and old. The Lakers’ Jimmy Buss appears to have pushed all of his chips to the middle of the table on the oft-injured Andrew Bynum. Early returns suggest that fast, skilled teams are the look of the future. Kobe can probably beat you in the 4th quarter if you let the Lakers stay too close, but over a 7 game series they won’t be able to out score you. The Mike Brown, defense first experiment will ultimately fail.

As for the Clippers, they NEED flight time. Chris Paul HAS to stay healthy for the remainder of the season. Coach VDN needs to try a little coaching so this team will appear to have an actual half court offense. Blake took a huge step forward last night abusing Pau and continuing to use his low post game to dictate to the defense. Mo Williams has been the most impressive Clipper of the last two weeks, but I’m concerned the Clippers offense is becoming a game of “who’s shooting it well, gets the ball.” Caron Butler had his turn of being the hot shooter last night, and Chauncey launches up 3 to 5 heat check 3’s per game. Chris Paul’s health will be the most important factor this season, because right now the team looks like 5 talented guys that don’t know what they’re supposed to do. Talent can only get you so far. Miami showed last year that without a true offense and a strong coach, the players can get lost in the 4th quarter. With the addition of a hall of fame caliber PG like Chris Paul, the team should eventually figure it out, but it’s gonna take time. The good news is, the Clippers will be a much better team in April then they are in January (if they can stay healthy).

So don’t kill yourself quite yet Clipper fan, but consider it if they lose to the Grizz tonight.

More compelling than Jurassic Park 3, Clippers 103 Raptors 91

Mon, 23 Jan 2012 13:50:17 -0800

Live from the nose bleed section, I witnessed the dismantling of the Toronto Raptors. The game was billed as being the big return of CP3, but since he was ruled out a few minutes before tip off, it became the game before the return of CP3. This game was over shortly after morning shootaround. The Clips took their foot off the gas occasionally but never realistically let the Raptors back in the game. Toronto was short handed as well and it’s never a good thing if Barbosa and DeRozan are leading your team in scoring. Mo Williams continued his hot play and even managed to not get ejected on Sunday afternoon. My player of the game had to be DeAndre Jordan. He went for 16 and 16 on a day filled with dunks and foregone conclusions.

The most important thing to take away from the victory was simply that, a victory. The Clippers have a huge game on wednesday “at” the Lakers. In years past, the Clips would’ve shit the bed and looked ahead on the schedule at the Lakers. Good teams need to beat the Raptors. I’m not sure how good the Clips are, but they certainly beat the Raptors. A win at the Lakers on wednesday would be huge, but each win counts the same in the standings. On sunday afternoon the Clippers proved just that, a win is a win and they won.

Throwaway Game: Clips 98 Timberwolves 101

Sat, 21 Jan 2012 12:07:48 -0800

Kevin Love at the buzzer…

“One game at a time”

“Rome wasn’t built in a day”

“You can’t win ‘em all”

“There’s always tomorrow”

“Better luck next time”

These are all pseudo-optimistic sayings that have been told to me following crushing defeats in my sports loving career. Unfortunately I subscribe to a different doctrine, anger and pessimism. I want to see blood. I want to see guts. I want to see Bobby Knight with Satan himself as assistant coach. Game’s like this always make me want to visit my coach’s gun idea. Here’s a quick breakdown:

1. In any major professional sport the head coach will be provided a revolver with ONE bullet.

2. The coach’s gun may be used only on the coach’s OWN players.

3. The gun does not have to be used.

4. The gun may only be used to harm, as it is a coaching tool NOT a weapon.

5. The coach may choose to use the gun on himself (This would’ve been handy in the Dunleavy years).

6. The gun cannot be used on referees or fans.

7. The gun may only be used as a teaching tool not a preventative measure like shooting Shaq so he has to be replaced to make game winning free throws.

Last night was a coach’s gun sort of game. The game seemed out of control from the opening tip with the Clippers hanging on to their lead with a bizarre mixture of 3 point accuracy and cold shooting from the t-wolves. The game was billed as a Blake vs. Love match up (because CP3 was still out and couldn’t go against Rubio), but both players were largely underwhelming throughout the game (save for the finish). Blake has seemed to have a confidence problem for the last week seeming hesitant to take the ball to the hoop and instead just settling for 19 foot jump shots (he’s made ONE that I’ve witnessed this week). Clip’s Coach VDN must have told the guys to stay in front of Rubio and collapse on Love because the much maligned Darko scored like 75 points last night and looked like the second coming of Tom Chambers on Bulls vs. Lakers for the Nintendo.

The game truly went sour when Mo Williams was ejected for his second silly technical foul. Both techs were Mo’s fault and he has earned a possible coach’s bullet for his actions, however, when he left the game completely fell apart. All the silly mistakes, turnovers, quick shots, and stupid 3s caught up to the Clippers. With 4 minutes to go in the game, the defense completely broke down and Chauncey Billups just started firing up random contested jump shots with no rhyme nor reason. I’m sure Billups looked around at Gomes, Foye, Solomon Jones, Reggie Evans, and DJ and said looks like I’m going to have to shoot EVERY time. At this point VDN needed to either try coaching or turn the coach’s bullet on himself and allow someone else (CP3?) to figure this mess out.

The game ended as most Clipper games of the last 30 years have…in a crushing, soul-shattering loss. Ricky Rubio, Mr. I-haven’t-made-a-shot-all-fucking-night, nailed a 3 point goal from the corner with 20 seconds to go. Naturally the Clippers went with the old fashioned, Billups takes the ball wanders over to a lackluster screen and then drives to the hoop and blows what appeared to be a very makeable shot (for high school kids). Nicely, 1.5 seconds were left on the clock. Minnesota calls time out to advance the ball. The clippers all contracted Cerebral Palsey and the rest was history.

Good news! I have acquired press passes for Sunday’s game against the Raptor’s, so I will have a full eyewitness report from the worst seats in section 331. Stay angry Los Angeles.

My name is Ricky Rubio, you killed my father, prepare to die.

Fri, 20 Jan 2012 11:59:32 -0800

At 7:30 pacific time, the Minnesota T-wolves will tip off against my beloved Clippers in a match up that appears to evoke feelings of the Clippers’ past. Young PG Ricky Rubio has been pared with rebounding savant Kevin Love to make one of the brightest young duos in the league. The Clippers have seen this all before when a young Shaun Livingston was pared with Elton Brand to create optimism for the LA future. Shaun’s knee cap left town and soon after, so did Elton Brand. In today’s NBA teams are not really rewarded for building through the draft. Most teams need to get lucky in the draft and then sign those big name free agents. This is the first year in the history of the Clippers that they have landed some of those big fish.

Minnesota is a young and pretty talented team that is not nearly as bad as their recent history would suggest. The Clippers need to hold serve at home with their next two games against these Timberwolves and the Raptors on Sunday. The Clippers have made a habit of playing well at home, but coming off those big games against Dallas, the Heat, and the Lakers, I certainly hope we don’t see any lapses in effort or concentration like we did in Utah.

The T-wolves have won 3 of their last 4 including a nail-biting loss at the Hawks. The Clips on the other hand have won 4 of 5 and need to take care of business before the road schedule bites them hard in February. Look for Vinny Del Negro to play the starters for big minutes in the first half leaning heavily on Chauncey Billups and Mo Williams. DeAndre Jordan and Blake Griffin will have their hands full trying to control the glass with Kevin Love setting up shop down low. This should make for a fast, physical, turnover-fest, that the Clips should have under control by the start of the 4th quarter. Make some 3s, don’t let Love dominate, and don’t get caught up in all the slop, and we should take another home W into Staples Center for Sunday at noon.

Cuban Exiled From Los Angeles! Clippers 91 Mavs 89

Thu, 19 Jan 2012 12:00:00 -0800

5 seconds to go, Mavs down by two, Jason Terry gets wide open following a pick and roll…SWISH. Same old Clippers. The collective heart of Clipper Nation was broken…again. There have been many Jason Terry’s over the years who find the Karmic shooting touch just in time to drill a stake through the heart of the Clippers faithful. Just as I sat in front of my television in the inevitable disbelief, Ralph Lawler began pleading with me to fasten my seatbelt. “Fasten my seatbelt?!?” This is the Clippers! They don’t win games like this; they only exist to make me feel bad and get mocked by my Laker fan friends! Then I thought for a quick moment, “This year is different, we have good players, good chemistry, a GOOD TEAM; we can DO this.”

Following the time out, Billups has the ball and attempts to inbound the ball to Mo Williams…he fumbles it out of bounds. Same old Clippers. I scream at the top of my lungs in my cramped bedroom. Everyone in the apartment building probably heard me, but I’m sure no one could’ve believed the painful scream came from that of a Clipper fan. This year wasn’t different. The only difference was that my pain was on national TV for the whole world to become witnesses to my destruction.

After a long discussion and replay review the referees declare…Clipper ball!

4 seconds to play. Chauncey inbounds to Blake Griffin. Blake dished the ball back to Chaucey and sets a brick wall of a pick on Jason Kidd. Chauncey is wide open, but this is the Clippers. He rises and lets the ball go. The net barely moves. My paralysis in front of my television is only broken by the jubilant celebration erupting in Staples Center. It went in? Yup, it went IN! This is a NEW Clippers team. This is a NEW year. The defending NBA champions came into Staples Center and LOST to the not-so-lowly Clippers. Yeah there were 3 and 7/8ths other quarters of basketball but that was all that mattered. Last night Chauncey made the shot that changed everything. Last night was the night that the Clippers washed the smell of shit from their jerseys. But all that can change if they lose to Minnesota on Friday.

Clippers vs. Jazz REDACTED

Thu, 19 Jan 2012 11:41:13 -0800

All info redacted by SOPA and PIPA.

Chris Paul and Mo Williams redacted by injury.

Win redacted by Utah Jazz.

Short-handed Clips Short Dicked the Nets

Tue, 17 Jan 2012 11:08:48 -0800

The Clips tipped off early on MLK to get a head start on their 3 wins in 3 days schedule this week. Blake Griffin and Company jumped all over Mr. Kardashian’s mates stretching their lead to 15 points by the end of the 1^st quarter. Kris Humphries actually put up a respectable line (14pts, 7rbs), but shouldn’t he be too embarrassed to show his face in L.A? C’mon Kris, everyone knows the number one rule of marriage is, “Don’t ever marry someone who has done porn/sex tape for profit”. Rules numbers two and three should be, “don’t marry reality television personalities” and “don’t marry Armenian rich chicks”; but I doubt a Minnesota monkey (not racist, he actually does look like a primate) like Kris even knows that he got played.

Speaking of getting played, the Nets shot only 42 percent on the afternoon and managed to make Randy Foye look like a viable NBA starter. With Chris Paul out, Randy Foye had to handle the point and did so brilliantly by putting up a 13 and 10 day right in the face of big money contract Deron Williams. Mr. Williams may be the first non-mormon on earth to actually miss Utah.

Going forward the Clips are going to have to play back to backs at Utah and then back home for Dallas on national television. Tonight’s Utah game should be an early test for a new team learning how to play with each other on the road. The addition of injuries to CP3 and Mo Williams the Clippers are going to eventually get some production from their bench; namely Ryan Gomes and Reggie Evans. The Clippers shit the bed in Portland earlier this month (it’s okay, everyone does it), but for the Clippers to become a confident and dangerous playoff team they’re going to need to learn to win road games especially with the adversity of injuries.

Final note: Blake Griffin makes me question my atheism. (23pts, 14 boards)

Kobe Beefed! Clippers 102 Lakers 94

Sun, 15 Jan 2012 00:29:41 -0800

Tonight was to be billed as a statement game; statement made. The Clippers defeated the Lakers for the 3rd consecutive time this season (twice in preseason play, which yes, counts for nothing), officially throwing the gauntlet down and claiming their place as an actual basketball team in the city of Los Angeles. The Clippers manned up and took it to the Lakers from the opening tip, not content to wear the aww shucks badge after defeating Miami earlier this week. The Lakers appear to be a mishmash of slow role players and assorted white people (not you World Peace). To his credit, Kobe is fighting furiously against the dying of the light, however you shouldn’t have to depend on a 33 year old shooting guard to score 40 every night just to avoid getting blown out.

On the Clipper front, CP3 was as advertised. Paul proved he was the best point guard in the NBA tonight (fuck you Derrick Rose) and could possibly be the difference in the Lakers season. I typically wouldn’t write so heavily about the Lakers, but David Stern’s interference in the Chris Paul to the Lakers trade may have possibly changed the fates of two franchises. No stranger to hyperbole, I will go ahead and say that after one worthless regular season game I’m inclined to believe the Clips are better suited for the playoffs and that Kobe is going to be put down like a thoroughbred by March. The Lakers appear to be a ship without a rudder right now and it seems very unlikely that they find a point guard now that the season has started. For my Laker fans out there, I would implore the front office to make the Dwight Howard deal immediately at any cost. However, I am a Clipper fan, so I say “ride it out, and lose in the 2nd round”, couldn’t happen to better guys.

So for the Lakers fans, here’s Sam Cassell with a testicle dance.

FULLYLOADEDCLIPS is back and this time we have CP3! Prepare...

Fri, 30 Dec 2011 08:49:40 -0800

FULLYLOADEDCLIPS is back and this time we have CP3! Prepare yourselves for another year of hate-filled basketball.